Darkness and Light

This is another letter Mom wrote to her church but I think all her family and friends will like to hear her words, her voice.

Sunday February 3, 2013

Greetings and Blessings to my dear beloved friends,

My “epistle” to you begins with one of my (and Ed’s) most favorite and most repeated words from the beginning of Paul’s epistle to the Philippians:                 

I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ.  It is right for me to think this way about all of you, because you hold me in your heart, for all of you share in God’s grace with me . . . For God is my witness, how I long for all of you with the compassion of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you to determine what is best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless, having produced the harvest of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God.  . . . Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance. It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be put to shame in any way, but that by my speaking with all boldness, Christ will be exalted now as always in my body, whether by life or by death.

It has only been five weeks since our lives here have been turned upside down and inside out,  but it has been a very long 5 weeks!  I have not shed any tears until this past Wednesday evening when I learned that my scheduled Thursday 8:40 am surgical appt at St Anne’s (to have a port inserted) was again cancelled at the last minute! (The port was necessary for me to get chemo the next day). This past Thursday was one of the most difficult, most stressful, most tearful, and most angry days of my entire life. To make a long-story short, after a deluge of phone calls, they finally scheduled me for 2 pm but it did not happen until 7:40 that evening and we got home at 9:30 pm.  We learned the next morning that the entire fiasco had “gone to the top” involving even hospital president.

But the “worst of times” includes the “best of times.” On Thursday we met the most supportive and compassionate and spiritually-connected nurses. (So very grateful our daughter Christiana could be at my side the entire day.)  Friday brought additional disappointments when we learned my white-cell blood had dropped so low that I could only get a 50% chemo treatment.  We thought that those blood-count problems would come in months ahead and not this soon. Even my oncologist was somewhat surprised.

But after chemo on Friday, Christiana drove us to Hull, MA in order to attend an all-day retreat on Saturday at Glastonbury Abbey in Hingham, led by one of my favorite Andover Newton Seminary professors (also a published poet). Ed and I have been to other longer retreats at Glastonbury Abbey during my seminary years also led by this same professor (Mark Burrows). The theme of this retreat was “I Believe in Nights” - based on the professor’s recently published translation of Rainer Maria Rilke’s early prayer-poems.  My friend Lydia told us about it and so nice to have Christiana participate as well.  (If you do not know Glastonbury Abbey, it’s worth checking out!)

The incredible synchronicity of Rilke’s seeking and seeing God’s light and love “in the night” and in the “darkness” was just amazingly powerful and positive for all of us. There were about 40-50 people there and it was exhilarating to be in such an attentive, responsive group of people. LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY! 

Christiana leaves for home at noon. Michael arrived later to visit and watch Super Bowl with Ed. Katharine and her daughter Graylin arrive next week and we are planning a family Valentine feast on the 16th! And then my siblings and some of their children will have a bigger family celebration/reunion here on Sunday the 17th.  If things can stay as scheduled for next 2 weeks, Ed and I will fly to Florida on Wednesday Feb 20th and arrangements have been made for me to continue chemo down there.

So far I have had no ill-effects from the chemo and just hoping my blood count this week allows getting even minimum chemo dosage. I thought that by now I’d be in a routine and have more time to get in touch with each of you but the days have been full to overflowing with medical and family phone calls, appointments with lawyers and doctors.  I have begun both Yoga class and also Tai Chi at St. Anne’s. Except for past Thursday I have been positive and happy and enjoying the deluge of letters and cards from our many friends through the years! Thanks you for your cards, soups, prayers and love.

Inspiring words for me today from today’s lectionary readings:

Jeremiah 1: ⁴ Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, ⁵ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you (and) ¹⁹ I am with you, says the Lord, to deliver you.

Psalm 71: ¹⁴ But I will hope continually, and will praise you yet more and more.  

1 Corinthians 13: ¹² For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. ¹³And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

I miss you and love you and pray for you.

Denise

Picture of Golden Pond, Sunset February 3, 2013

For all letters, some pictures and comments go to followingdenise.blogspot.com