Epistle 1

This letter Mom wrote to her church two weeks ago when she was in the midst of her medical diagnoses. She was very happy to be with "her beloved flock" when she and Dad attended service there last week. Mom is so grateful for the prayers of her church family as well as from other church families across the country.   

January 13, ’13 (now that looks/sounds lucky, doesn’t it?)

Greetings to my beloved flock,

So often when reading the Epistles I am struck by the writer’s (most often Paul’s) noting how much he longs to see and be with those he is writing to…that is how I feel now and how I’ve felt in recent weeks! I wanted to write you last week for Epiphany, as you know one of the most meaningful ‘feasts’ of Christian liturgy for me. What an epiphany journey we have embarked on…and I have received so many messages noting the coincidence of Epiphany and light and revelation, etc., with my diagnosis.

So yes, this past Monday, January 7, I had laparoscopic surgery to investigate the size of the tumor in my pancreas which was not evident until endoscopic ultrasound on December 27. The results of that test were given to me on Dec 29 as family gathered for our Christmas dinner.  I was shocked to even say the words “I have cancer cells in my pancreas and need immediate surgery.”  I kept stressing the word cells as the word tumor had not been spoken yet. Very very difficult to experience my children’s reactions.

By Wednesday morning January 2 I had an appt with top pancreas surgeon at Dana Farber and discussed the atypical location of my tumor.  My doctors here and in Boston were each quite optimistic that I would be strong candidate for a big surgery to remove it…all our children were with us in Boston. They got the news from Dr. Swanson “… cancer has spread…Stage 4 …surgery not an option…” and then had to wait 45 minutes to see me and were terrified about my dealing with this news alone. When they were allowed in I said “we’re going to make these days joy-filled” and I did not break down and cry. Perhaps we are each putting on the smile to help each other BUT it does help! But indeed we were and still are stunned by the news.  As my daughter wrote to friends, “The news just took our breath away.” As I think you already know, I am not yet experiencing any symptoms (gratefully) and yet makes it therefore so unreal. SO that was only 5 days ago and already it seems 9 lives ago.

AND now we are already up to the Baptism of Jesus and His new beginnings and journey into the wilderness.  “Are ye able to baptized…?”

There have been and continue to be a “flood” of unusual and positive and hopeful signs.   I deeply believe in the power of prayer and equally believe that these many signs are carrying me forward right now. I am attaching the prayer/poem by Jan Richardson that I had planned to read you on Epiphany and which has since been sent to me by another Presbyterian pastor (Christine Foster in Providence)…and just this moment decided to also include the poem I wrote January 1981 for Epiphany…32 years ago! Indeed, we cannot plan or create epiphanies…they are gifts…and may we see new gifts and continuing revelations of who GOD is while we follow his star.

I Love YOU!  I Miss YOU! I Pray for YOU!

And I know YOU Pray for your Pastor Denise!

God Bless Us Everyone!

Where the Map Begins
by Jan Richardson

This is not
any map you know.
Forget longitude.
Forget latitude.
Do not think
of distances
or of plotting
the most direct route.
Astrolabe, sextant, compass:
these will not help you here.

This is the map
that begins with a star.
This is the chart
that starts with fire,
with blazing,
with an ancient light
that has outlasted
generations, empires,
cultures, wars.

Look starward once,
then look away.
Close your eyes
and see how the map
begins to blossom
behind your lids,
how it constellates,
its lines stretching out
from where you stand.

You cannot see it all,
cannot divine the way
it will turn and spiral,
cannot perceive how
the road you walk
will lead you finally inside,
through the labyrinth
of your own heart
and belly
and lungs.

But step out,
and you will know
what the wise who traveled
this path before you knew:
the treasure in this map
is buried not at journey’s end
but at its beginning.

The Gift of Epiphany

by Denise Soares, 1981

More – oh so much more

Than gold, frankincense

And myrrh –

They come bearing gifts

And rejoice in their discovery:

“HE IS HERE!”

The Magi celebrate His existence.

                                               

He responds with His Gift

And reveals His essence.

The Magi are discovered, found, cherished, real.

Epiphany celebrates

Not His existence discovered,

But His essence revealed.

Yes, we rejoice

Whenever we discover Him.

But greater – oh so much greater

Is the joy of discovery

When He reveals Himself to us.

We feel found, discovered, cherished, real.

Epiphanies are gifts.

Each one is a manifestation,

A proof of His presence.

“HE IS HERE!”

Then, when celebrating this rich discovery,

Comes the Gift of Epiphany,

The gift of yourself.

I feel very real, very cherished.

We cannot choose epiphanies.

We cannot create epiphanies.

Each epiphany comes with gifts

(Oh so much more than gold, 

frankincense and myrrh)

A gift of self.

In each Epiphany, He makes himself present.

A

f